11:58 PM / 27 February

I read something in today's edition of the New Paper that really peeved me. They did this article about this Singaporean who wrote a few novels and published them by himself. He is self-proclaimed to be one of Singapore's more popular writers. The article highlighted a few language 'bloopers' as they call it in his novel.

Wait. What? Language bloopers. Isn't there supposed to be an editor for that kind of shit? Not even spellcheck? Not even a darn animated paper-clip? Well I guess he turned it off. For those who didn't read this article here's a sampler.

"By then, O-Levels was cornering."

Well, I'd hate to be passenger in that car.

"She might not have the prettiest face in the world, but her figure tumbled over everything.'

She may not be pretty, but damn, ain't she the clumsy one.

"Her breathings were so deep that her chest was shuddering up and down with every breath."

OMG. I do not know what to say....

You know what the best part was? This guy got C5 for O-level English. I guessed his O-level paper cornered right into him I guess. *Shakes head*. 

Okay, maybe the O-levels may not necessarily be the exact barometer with which we should judge one's laguage capabilities. But it certainly does not help your credentials when you almost failed what I believe should be a no-brainer paper.

What really peeved me though was how non-chalant his attitude towards a writer's need to have a good command of the language to tell a story. 

In his words: "Language is not so important, I'm trying to tell a story."

C'mon. Really?! Well, if your intended stories revolved around love stories and tragedy which have exam papers who drive then all the more to ya'. But it's not. 

You know what placed the final nail in his coffin? He said "Frankly, I don't feel responsible if they pick up such language."

God. If I see this guy, I will slap him so hard that his face would fall off. Argh. I hate it when people have such a non-chalant attitude towards stuff. And I think people who know me will know how much of a "Speak Proper English Advocate" I am. So that made me doubly pissed.

Let me put it in perspective. You are a writer, or a novelist for lack of a better term. You intend to tell a story. You use words and your skills as a word-smith to make that story come to fruition. Similar to how a carpenter with the intention to build a table would use his tools and his skill as a craftsman to build this table. You don't expect this carpenter to create a table which has incomplete carvings and a table leg two inches shorter than the others. If he does do so, he should take responsibility for his mistakes because his lack of skill has become a bad investment for someone.

I know this guy has hired a proper publishing company to get his language together, but his attitude and irresponsibility really pissed me off. Is this what Singaporeans are becoming? Non-chalant, irresponsible and out to make a quick buck? Argh. At times I wish there was no such thing as nationalities. I hate that people would think that just because I'm Singaporean I'd have certain characteristics not applicable to me.

Anyway, I'm not gonna name this guy. I'd hate to get charged with slander. This guy managed to make some good cash selling his darn books so I guess if he wanted to make another quick buck he'd sue me for my wallet. Go read the 27th February edition of the New Paper if you wanna find out more.

1:30 AM / 21 February

If there's one thing I hate is doing something that didn't really need to be done in the first place. Like, cutting my hair. And it was just starting to grow right. Though it did smell like barbecue a good coupla months after the said barbecue happened.

---

I don't know what it is. I listen to these 2 bands. I like their music like crazy. They both have female instrumentalists and vocalists. I gush over how good the girls look. I like the music too. The music is different. But...Something dumb happens and the girl gets kicked out of the band. And to remain faithful, their bassist boyfriends leave the band too. Then the whole band just loses their uniqueness 'cause they are missing not only the female vocals, but also an instrumentalist that made the band different.

Case in point. I Am Ghost. Kerith was their backup vocalist and violinist. Violin. You know how many rock bands have a violin and make it sound good. And I'm not talking about stuff like Flogging Molly or any other Celtic Punk band. They play more like a fiddle-ish thing. I'm talking about using classical-based violin licks. It sounded like a symphony instead of a rock album. It was different. Then some mix-up between the beliefs of separate band members led to Kerith and the bassist, Brian, leaving the band. Now they just sound like another band from the scene. Still good, but not as noteworthy.

Next is 1997. An indie-ish sounding band. Played keyboards and xylophone depending on what was needed. She also featured prominently in terms of vocals. This was the first band that I actually liked that did not play music that was fast, heavy or overly oratorical. Just easy listening. Then, I guess some lack of understanding or what resulted in the band asking Alida to leave. Haven't heard any new material from the band since though something is slated for release. But she was such a good-looker and she had a great voice. Why'd she have to go.... *sulks*

I guess you can't have too much of a good thing.

1.00 PM / 15 February

So here I am. Pondering about my future again. For those who don't know, I just graduated on Friday. Last day at the office you could say. Then I had to rush all the way down to the airport 'cause my brother was gonna fly off to Tasmania to study. He's gunning for a Degree in Contemporary Arts. It's only for a year but still I can't help but feel sad when he passed through the gates. I guess it's sort of a culmination of him getting his life on track. What really made me sad when he left was that he wouldn't be at my graduation. But to be frank, I actually haven't seen him graduate myself. He has 3 separate diplomas and the only one that I can remember was when he graduated from SP and had to get onto the stage with his crutches 'cause he was recovering from knee surgery. The other 2 times he simply ditched the ceremonies and had the institutions mail his diplomas to him. Hell of a guy I tell you.

I had a major reality check on my last day at work. I was looking though the average grades for those accepted into uni and got really worried when I saw the one for NTU's Bachelor in Business. It's around 3.6 and my GPA is still hovering around 3.5. I hope I did well for this last semester. Oh God please help me.

Oh yeah, did I mention that my attachment place asked me to stay on but I rejected their offer?

8:22 PM / 8 February

For Everything's A Reason Within Itself (FEAR Within Itself)

Maybe it's fear

That made me who I am today

Maybe it's fear

That made me this way

Maybe it's fear

That always holds me back

Maybe it's fear

That makes me hold back

Maybe it's fear

That made me want to take my life

Maybe it's fear

That kept me alive

Maybe it's fear

That will make me who I am

Maybe it's fear

That's why I don't give a damn

For fear will always take us

One way or another

Because every choice

Will always be its own blunder

---

I don't know why, but sometimes I find my darkest thoughts in the happiest of times. Maybe I'm a pessimist? 

Anyway. What I really wanted to convey with the written words above is that fear is an ever-present thing. And when these fears lead to choices, anything we choose will be its own mistake. Which is why everything we do comes with its own set of regrets. Give it a thought.