3:11 AM / 4 October

I live for my family.
I live for my friends.
Nothing else matters.

Today simply enforced my beliefs further.

9:17 PM / 31 August

Hmmm. I was looking through some of my old files. And I found the websites that I did for my attachment. I'm quite surprised at what I managed to do in my 3 months there. And it seems quite weird that there's something out there with my hard work written all over it.

Anyway, here is the list of websites that I did or helped out on:
D'Feringghi Budget Resort
CityHub Hotel
Bali Sentosa
Corus KL
Royal Plaza on Scotts

These are the main few that I spent most of my time on. There were a lot of others that I helped out with though a lot of them I can barely remember. The ones that I did from scratch is mainly D'Feringghi and CityHub, though CityHub sorta caused a bit of problems. They were very picky with the design. But oh well. I finished my job anyway. A few others I did from scratch are still not up yet. I guess the devil's in the details. Hehe.

11:30 PM / 11 August

I Am Only by Fariq Said

Why does it have to be this way.
Or did I make things hard for myself again
Am I an idealist.
Or am I an idiot

Am I the only one who thinks this way
Or did I just lose myself in my thoughts
Losing myself
In an instance

Do I fight for a future
That I am still uncertain of
When nothing seems real
When nothing feels real

We fight we try to live
To keep moving forward
I try to breathe
But life just keeps cutting me off

Am I a hypocrite
For wanting so much
And wanting to do it all on my own
Am I a coward

Where did I let my conscience go
Or maybe I sold my soul
To my dreams
To my useless aspirations

I live my life for myself
And those that I choose to keep around me
So please God help me remember
Should I choose to forget
That very principle
That keeps me alive

I am only still human
But I am still me

---

I got my PMA back. No living in the dark days for me. 2 days in it and I'm already out. And I finally get inspiration to write. I'm gonna turn those words up there into a freaking rocking all out hardcore song. I already got it in my head. It's gonna be intense. Like Comeback Kid intense.

P.S. I got a new life goal. That's to go make an Irish friend. Irish people are just so freaking cool. So is Celtic culture.

8:46 PM / 10 August

You know, I don't really know who reads this thing anymore. But since I wanna share without really letting too many people know, I'll just put this here.

You see, I've always been so sure of things. So sure of my abilities, my interests, myself most importantly. But recently I've just been feeling a bit jaded. All those sureties I had seem non-existent. Suddenly the fact that I did well for Poly means nothing to me. It's kinda hard to explain. Maybe I'm lost. Or maybe I lost myself somewhere.

Maybe it's this super long holiday that I have. A holiday I needed so bad but something that should have ended end of May. I was so sure I'd be in NS right now. But then stuff happens. And I just got stumped. As time wore on I kept wondering. What do I want to do with my life? I like the business world and I don't mind a shot at the IT industry. But I just keep on wondering about my life should I choose anyone of them. I've been through so much shit the last few years. So much negativity I threw out. A new outlook on life. And now I find myself getting pulled back in to that same negativity I had a year ago. And I'm afraid it might happen again in the future.

I'm actually seriously considering running away to some beat-up gym in the US and training to be a prize-fighter. Make it on my own. Alone.

But then I'll be letting so many people down. My family. My friends. And I can't let that happen. My happiness is bound to how my friends and family feel. It's what I care about the most. Leaving them is not something I want to do unless they are all really happy with it.

Had lunch today with Lisda, Nadh and Aqilah. Somehow it got into a serious conversation about what I'm gonna do in the future. And suddenly more questions popped up in my head. And Nadh really called my bluff about what exactly would make me happy. And it made me think.

Do I fight for what I have now? For my friends, my family. Or do I fight for a future which I myself am still uncertain of?

I seriously need to get this out of my system fast. I've had totally no negativity for a whole year. And to get so much rushing back into my head again, it's seriously messing with my head.

So after I got back today, I tried to sort this problem off a little bit and I've at least come to this little conclusion.

Whatever it is, I've decided to go to SMU. It's close enough for me and I got a direct bus. I hate to travel long distances especially if I'm doing it everyday. It's a good enough risk I believe. And I never liked top ranked. Especially in Singapore. Same reason I went to Poly instead of JC. Underdogs rule.

One more thing I've decided is that no matter what, I'll try to join an MMA gym. I'll take the shittiest one available. I've still gotta live my dream a bit don't I? And it's a good way to keep fit too.

Last thing, I'm still gonna go on holiday after I get done with NS.

Now, for the other 200 questions still rolling around in my head about my future...

10:13 PM / 26 July

Who says weddings need to be serious affairs?



I mean seriously? Haha

10:23 PM / 16 July

Saw this Nat Geo documentary on YouTube about Straight Edge. For those who don't know, Straight Edge is a lifestyle that grew out of the hardcore and punk scene. It advocates a poison-free lifestyle. No smokes, no alcohol, no drugs. It started out as sort of a positive lifestyle for the scenesters back then and still is today. But as with any movement, there will always be the people who think they are homo superior and get violent. This documentary explores all those aspects of Straight Edge.











And by the way, I'm not militant in anyway. I don't beat up any of my friends who smoke or drink. I respect their decisions enough to know that I don't need to mess in their business. But don't let me catch you drunk out of your mind. Cause I know alcohol numbs the nerves enough to take several blows and I'm a bit of a science guy so I might use your face as an experiment.

5:43 PM / 25 June

Empty is the sky before the sun wakes up
Empty are the eyes of animal in cages
Empty, the faces of women in mourning
When everything's been taken from them

Me?
Don't ask me about empty.

1:49 AM / 21 June

Today was one of those days. That day being the 20th of June on a Saturday. You know. Everyone has one of those days. Those days where you realize that God is messing with you. Not in a bad way though.

You see, I have this belief that even if God is all powerful and all knowing, He still has a funny side in Him. Anytime something weird happens to me that I can't understand I always look up and wonder if God's playing a joke. I mean, what are the odds that He has a funny side? And I guess today He reminded me that He still has it.

You see, I've been in a bit of a financial pickle lately. Had to pay a bill on the 20th or else my line would get cut. I was trying to come up with the money that day. I was 20 bucks short. Not that I was taking it seriously. But then stuff happened that made me look up and wonder if God was messing with me again.

Firstly, I was at Adidas Suntec with Kelvin. He was paying for stuff. While waiting for the cashier I was chatting with him. I suddenly realized that in between us on the counter was a dope looking Samsung phone. I was like damn. For fear of getting charged Kelvin decided to ignore it. So I ended up getting all noble and stuff and passed it to the sales guy.

Next, I was walking outside Raffles Shopping Centre with Kel. Saw a few kids helping out with Flag Day. I didn't realize it was for the Special Olympics. I would have donated if I had known. So anyways, the kids were asking these 2 white guys to donate. They did and as one of the guys was putting stuff into his pocket, a crumpled 10 dollar note dropped out. I didn't realize what it was until I got closer. Again I realized the situation and did the noble thing by bumping a few people out of the way and retrieving the 10 dollar note to pass to the guy. I hope it really was that guy's 10 bucks. I'll be damned if I was wrong. But I just did what my eyes interpreted.

This post was not too make myself look good or anything. Nor is it a lie. Ask Kelvin and he'll vouch for me. What I realized on this day was that I almost forgot about the weird relationship I had with a certain Guy sitting in the clouds. So I looked to the sky and said, 'Dammit, you got me again. That was a nice one God.'

----------------
Now playing: Mastodon - Oblivion
via FoxyTunes

9:39 PM / 28 May

Hmmm.....

So yeah. I graduated. With Merit. Diploma in Business Informatics. What now? Have I made it yet? Am I a made man?

Seems a little early for that question to be asked aye? But I think it's a good question to ask oneself. Every single milestone, be it me graduating, me completing NS or maybe even the birth of my child. I will ask myself that very question. And I know, every single time, I will tell myself no. Or maybe until I can make sure I can take care of my family and friends. 'Cause truthfully, that's all I ever care about. Make my mom and dad proud of me. To be respected among my friends. And keep myself happy. That's all.

Maybe I shoulda taken more pictures. Maybe. But it's not like I care. Best memories are the ones in my head.

Only downside was maybe the fact that my brother was not around. But he's doing more important things like getting his degree in Tasmania. Come back quick! We're gonna take graduation photos of us in bodybuilding poses! Haha.

5:12 PM / 10 May

I learnt an important thing yesterday night. I was having supper with my dad and we spent the time talking about his bachelor years. From his first attempts at finding a job to his life in the army. The dilemma he had when he had to choose between Malaysia and Singapore during the separation.

On the way back, he told me something that made a lot of sense. His dad, my late grandfather, always told him "Kalau tak ada duit, nak pergi dari sini ke Geylang pun jauh. Tapi kalau ada duit, nak pergi dari sini ke Penang pun dekat." Translated it means, "When we have no money, to travel just to Geylang would be far. With money however, even Penang is near."

Not to be money-minded or anything, but this actually makes a lot of sense. As much as I try not to be a paper chaser and money maker, we will continuously need money. It's just the nature of it. Okay, now someone gimme a job.

1:58 AM / 3 May

New H2O vid for their song 'Nothing To Prove' off of their album of the same name.

Me and all my friends we got nothing to prove, nothing to lose!
You know us and what we achieved
From the streets of L.E.S to your TV!
Many have come, and many will go, but 20 years later
Who's still runnin' the show
Hard times have come our way, we held it down and kept the PMA!
With only one voice we have more to say - still mentally vexed
TCOB!!

---

Feels good to listen to some NYC hardcore. I really hope to reach a point in my life when I literally have nothing to prove to other people. Just to those around me. And to just be happy. That's what I've been doin lately. See the 3 letters 'PMA' up there? Means 'Positive Mental Attitude'. Can't be straightedge and not keep the PMA now can I?

I'm straightedge. PMA for life.

1:35 AM / 30 April

I don't know what it is. But, I'm just not sold on the story of Susan Boyle. No offence to her, but why is she suddenly an example of talent over looks? Maybe it's cause I've been watching Britain's Got Talent since 2 seasons ago. I mean, doesn't anyone know about Paul Potts?



This guy won 2 seasons ago.

Or how 'bout this kid from last season? Andrew Johnston.

This guy got into the finals. Top 3 if I remember correctly.

It's not that I'm hating on Susan Boyle. She IS a good singer. Maybe it's cause I've been watching a lot of BGT, but I'm not really that astonished at her talent. I've seen the last 2 seasons and the British are mighty talented. One season's worth of talent could wipe off all the seasons' worth of talent found on America's Got Talent.

The act that I want to win is this little act called 'Stavros Flatley'. It's a parody on dancer Micheal Flatley. I can't get the embeddable video but here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Tu0PAbW75A It's the funniest thing I've seen on the show and damn he got those Flatley mannerisms down right.

12:19 AM / 26 April

So yeah. I got into SCDF. Enlisting on the 6th of October. Alhamdullilah. It's after Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Means I don't need to fast during BRT.

I'm very happy I got into the Home Team. If I ever had the choice, I never want to join the army. It's just not me. I'm not a preacher of war. And even more so in Singapore, I'd rather be in the Police or the Civil Defence. 'Cause to be honest, no offence to the Singapore Armed Forces, we either go to war and get run over, or we don't go to war at all. I don't want to say anything else.

But the most improtant thing to me, is being active. I want to use the skills I learned to actually help lives. Not sit around and just be on standby til I ROD.

I wanna be a paramedic if that's possible. I could actually save lives. Like daily. Like a superhero. But then again. I won't be the only one.

All in all, I'm just thankful. I have been given this opprotunity. After consigning myself to 6 months in the SAF, I am genuinely happy that I'm going to the SCDF.

Paramedic. This vid below kinda makes me wanna be one.

I'm not sure what's worse
The waiting or the waiting room
"You're next sir" becomes a cruel taunt to you
recycled air, the smell of sleep and disinfectant
Your God is a two door elevator

Do they even cure you
(cut me open drug me)
Or is it just to humor us before we die
(repair all my defects)
If only we could heal ourselves
We wouldn't.. need to be hooked up to these machines

Whoa whoa whoa...

Let's redefine (6x)
What it means to heal

Do they even cure you
(cut me open drug me)
Or is it just to humor us before we die
(repair all my defects)
If Only we could heal ourselves
We wouldn't.. need to be hooked up to these machines

Whoa whoa whoa...

7:38 PM / 23 April

Instructional video for Protest The Hero's Bloodmeat. This has been out pretty much since around the release of the album.

I realized after watching this vid was that the song is actually quite easy to play after it's all broken down. Not that I can play the whole song anyway. I managed to learn the full rhythm sections. I can go through the whole song looking like I can actually play it. All the tapping stuff I can play, only slowly though. Though I haven't managed to play it with like a proper setup yet.

The tabs can be found here: http://dl.guitarworld.com/pdf/GW0708%20bloodmeat.pdf

1:01 AM / 18 April

It's 1am. I'm feeling a little political.

There is a high chance that President Obama may fail in the White House. For as much as he can say he wants to change things, he will not get things done unless the people of America change themselves.

Not that I am against President Obama. But as I said before, with such a big problem looming over the head of such an untested politician, if he doesn't manage to pull things off, the failure will be perceived to be twice as large as the problem was in the first.

Those two paragraphs above struck me when I remebered how much media interest there is in his presidency. Not since JFK has there been this much media scrutiny in the life of a president. From the First Lady's fashion to their dog, there's a lot of eyes on them. 

And so fitting that it was JFK who said, "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country". But do the people remember?

Less than a week in office and people were already dismayed at his progress. Because he promised change. But because he made change such a big issue that people perceive the change to be big. That's why I believe the people will perceive the failure to be bigger than the issue. They won't see the things that he has set in motion to be the change that they need in the future.

All I got to say is good luck President Obama. You'll need it.

P.S. I know this is a bit late, but I forgot about it. Was supposed to have posted this after inauguration but it got locked in the back of my head with skool and what not.

1:02 PM / 9 April

If there was ever a need for me to define this year in song, I'd totally have to say it would be Superhero by Bane. It's just a song that makes so much sense.

Superhero by Bane

She rolls her eyes
And lights another
"One day i'll quit these things,
They're killing me."
She blows her brains
Right out her fucking mouth
I just don't know how you do it

Well, there is nothing in me
That you don't have
Deep within your fucking self
Well, there is nothing in me
That you do not have
Deep within your fucking self

Yes, the body is weak
But the mind is stronger
It controls the body
You are not a slave.

And i am not a superhero!

You see, the difference between hard and impossible
Well, it's a thousand miles wide
But that's not what you want to hear.
Don't live a lifetime of regret.
Is there a moment of uncomfort
Never knowing, no, no, never knowing

How great it feels to be free

This year I've been tuning in to a lot of NYC Hardcore. Bane are one of the few new bands keeping the scene alive and fresh. All their members are straightedge. But I guess their musical agenda doesn't solely focus on sXe values. Though this song has elements of that. But it does in itself make a lot of sense both sXe or otherwise.

The message in this song has a line that I think everyone should live by. "Yes, the body is weak, but the mind is strong. And it controls the body you are not a slave". Knowing all the crap I'm gonna go through soon, those words make a lot of sense to me.

Why can't moshes in Singapore be like this? No kicking and flailing. Just all out togetherness and chaos. Screaming the words that you chose to live by.

I'm straightedge. And I'm in it for life. xXx

3:42 AM / 10 March

Been playing A LOT of World of Warcraft lately. Or WoW as I like to call it.

Here's an interesting fact: Taurens don't become Rogues because they find the methods of the Rogues dishonorable. Plus, it's hard to be stealthy when you have hooves. ROFL

Okay, for those who don't know, Taurens are a race of creatures in WoW with the features of a cow or a bull. Essentially they are cattle on 2 feet or 2 gigantic hooves for that matter. Rogues are a class of heroes in WoW which are sorta like an assassin. Thus the joke. Haha

P.S. Levelling up would be a bitch if I were playing the normal Blizzard WoW server...

8:00 AM / 5 March

I've realized something these past few days. 

I'm not afraid of dying. 

What I am afraid of though, is that there is nothing at the end.

Think about it, we count 'til the millions but we barely live past 100. But then, think about it again. We've come so far, yet (for me at least) it's only been 19 years. Still got a long way to go. But how we wish we had more.

11:58 PM / 27 February

I read something in today's edition of the New Paper that really peeved me. They did this article about this Singaporean who wrote a few novels and published them by himself. He is self-proclaimed to be one of Singapore's more popular writers. The article highlighted a few language 'bloopers' as they call it in his novel.

Wait. What? Language bloopers. Isn't there supposed to be an editor for that kind of shit? Not even spellcheck? Not even a darn animated paper-clip? Well I guess he turned it off. For those who didn't read this article here's a sampler.

"By then, O-Levels was cornering."

Well, I'd hate to be passenger in that car.

"She might not have the prettiest face in the world, but her figure tumbled over everything.'

She may not be pretty, but damn, ain't she the clumsy one.

"Her breathings were so deep that her chest was shuddering up and down with every breath."

OMG. I do not know what to say....

You know what the best part was? This guy got C5 for O-level English. I guessed his O-level paper cornered right into him I guess. *Shakes head*. 

Okay, maybe the O-levels may not necessarily be the exact barometer with which we should judge one's laguage capabilities. But it certainly does not help your credentials when you almost failed what I believe should be a no-brainer paper.

What really peeved me though was how non-chalant his attitude towards a writer's need to have a good command of the language to tell a story. 

In his words: "Language is not so important, I'm trying to tell a story."

C'mon. Really?! Well, if your intended stories revolved around love stories and tragedy which have exam papers who drive then all the more to ya'. But it's not. 

You know what placed the final nail in his coffin? He said "Frankly, I don't feel responsible if they pick up such language."

God. If I see this guy, I will slap him so hard that his face would fall off. Argh. I hate it when people have such a non-chalant attitude towards stuff. And I think people who know me will know how much of a "Speak Proper English Advocate" I am. So that made me doubly pissed.

Let me put it in perspective. You are a writer, or a novelist for lack of a better term. You intend to tell a story. You use words and your skills as a word-smith to make that story come to fruition. Similar to how a carpenter with the intention to build a table would use his tools and his skill as a craftsman to build this table. You don't expect this carpenter to create a table which has incomplete carvings and a table leg two inches shorter than the others. If he does do so, he should take responsibility for his mistakes because his lack of skill has become a bad investment for someone.

I know this guy has hired a proper publishing company to get his language together, but his attitude and irresponsibility really pissed me off. Is this what Singaporeans are becoming? Non-chalant, irresponsible and out to make a quick buck? Argh. At times I wish there was no such thing as nationalities. I hate that people would think that just because I'm Singaporean I'd have certain characteristics not applicable to me.

Anyway, I'm not gonna name this guy. I'd hate to get charged with slander. This guy managed to make some good cash selling his darn books so I guess if he wanted to make another quick buck he'd sue me for my wallet. Go read the 27th February edition of the New Paper if you wanna find out more.

1:30 AM / 21 February

If there's one thing I hate is doing something that didn't really need to be done in the first place. Like, cutting my hair. And it was just starting to grow right. Though it did smell like barbecue a good coupla months after the said barbecue happened.

---

I don't know what it is. I listen to these 2 bands. I like their music like crazy. They both have female instrumentalists and vocalists. I gush over how good the girls look. I like the music too. The music is different. But...Something dumb happens and the girl gets kicked out of the band. And to remain faithful, their bassist boyfriends leave the band too. Then the whole band just loses their uniqueness 'cause they are missing not only the female vocals, but also an instrumentalist that made the band different.

Case in point. I Am Ghost. Kerith was their backup vocalist and violinist. Violin. You know how many rock bands have a violin and make it sound good. And I'm not talking about stuff like Flogging Molly or any other Celtic Punk band. They play more like a fiddle-ish thing. I'm talking about using classical-based violin licks. It sounded like a symphony instead of a rock album. It was different. Then some mix-up between the beliefs of separate band members led to Kerith and the bassist, Brian, leaving the band. Now they just sound like another band from the scene. Still good, but not as noteworthy.

Next is 1997. An indie-ish sounding band. Played keyboards and xylophone depending on what was needed. She also featured prominently in terms of vocals. This was the first band that I actually liked that did not play music that was fast, heavy or overly oratorical. Just easy listening. Then, I guess some lack of understanding or what resulted in the band asking Alida to leave. Haven't heard any new material from the band since though something is slated for release. But she was such a good-looker and she had a great voice. Why'd she have to go.... *sulks*

I guess you can't have too much of a good thing.

1.00 PM / 15 February

So here I am. Pondering about my future again. For those who don't know, I just graduated on Friday. Last day at the office you could say. Then I had to rush all the way down to the airport 'cause my brother was gonna fly off to Tasmania to study. He's gunning for a Degree in Contemporary Arts. It's only for a year but still I can't help but feel sad when he passed through the gates. I guess it's sort of a culmination of him getting his life on track. What really made me sad when he left was that he wouldn't be at my graduation. But to be frank, I actually haven't seen him graduate myself. He has 3 separate diplomas and the only one that I can remember was when he graduated from SP and had to get onto the stage with his crutches 'cause he was recovering from knee surgery. The other 2 times he simply ditched the ceremonies and had the institutions mail his diplomas to him. Hell of a guy I tell you.

I had a major reality check on my last day at work. I was looking though the average grades for those accepted into uni and got really worried when I saw the one for NTU's Bachelor in Business. It's around 3.6 and my GPA is still hovering around 3.5. I hope I did well for this last semester. Oh God please help me.

Oh yeah, did I mention that my attachment place asked me to stay on but I rejected their offer?

8:22 PM / 8 February

For Everything's A Reason Within Itself (FEAR Within Itself)

Maybe it's fear

That made me who I am today

Maybe it's fear

That made me this way

Maybe it's fear

That always holds me back

Maybe it's fear

That makes me hold back

Maybe it's fear

That made me want to take my life

Maybe it's fear

That kept me alive

Maybe it's fear

That will make me who I am

Maybe it's fear

That's why I don't give a damn

For fear will always take us

One way or another

Because every choice

Will always be its own blunder

---

I don't know why, but sometimes I find my darkest thoughts in the happiest of times. Maybe I'm a pessimist? 

Anyway. What I really wanted to convey with the written words above is that fear is an ever-present thing. And when these fears lead to choices, anything we choose will be its own mistake. Which is why everything we do comes with its own set of regrets. Give it a thought.

4:48 PM / 25 January

The Rime of the Ancyent Marinere

I.

It is an ancyent Marinere,

And he stoppeth one of three:

"By thy long grey beard and thy glittering eye

"Now wherefore stoppest me?

The bridegroom's doors are open'd wide

"And I am next of kin;

"The Guests are met, the Feast is set,--

"May'st hear the merry din.

But still he holds the wedding-guest-- 

There was a Ship, quoth he--

"Nay, if thou'st got a laughsome tale,

"Marinere! come with me."

He holds him with his skinny hand,

Quoth he, there was a Ship--

"Now get thee hence, thou grey-beard Loon!

"Or my Staff shall make thee skip.

He holds him with his glittering eye--

The wedding guest stood still

And listens like a three year's child;

The Marinere hath his will.

The wedding-guest sate on a stone,

He cannot chuse but hear:

And thus spake on that ancyent man,

The bright-eyed Marinere.

The Ship was cheer'd, the Harbour clear'd-- 

Merrily did we drop

Below the Kirk, below the Hill,

Below the Light-house top.

The Sun came up upon the left,

Out of the Sea came he:

And he shone bright, and on the right

Went down into the Sea.

Higher and Higher every day,

Till over the mast at noon--

The wedding-guest here beat his breast,

For he heard the loud bassoon.

The Bride hath pac'd into the Hall,

Red as a rose is she;

Nodding their heads before her goes

The merry Minstralsy.

The wedding-guest he beat his breast 

Yet he cannot chuse but hear:

And thus spake on that ancyent Man,

The bright-eyed Marinere.

Listen, Stranger! Storm and Wind,

A Wind and Tempest strong!

For days and weeks it play'd us freaks--

Like Chaff we drove along.

Listen, Stranger! Mist and Snow,

And it grew wond'rous cauld:

And Ice mast-high came floating by

As green as Emerauld.

And thro' the drifts the snowy clifts

Did send a dismal sheen;

Ne shapes of men ne beasts we ken--

The Ice was all between.

The Ice was here, the Ice was there, 

The Ice was all around:

It crack'd and growl'd, and roar'd and howl'd--

Like noises of a swound.

At length did cross an Albatross,

Thorough the Fog it came;

And an it were a Christian Soul, 

We hail'd it in God's name.

The Marineres gave it biscuit-worms, 

And round and round it flew:

The Ice did split with a thunder-fit;

The Helmsman steer'd us thro'.

And a good south wind sprung up behind,

The Albatross did follow;

And every day for food or play 

Came to the Marinere's hollo!

In mist or cloud on mast or shroud 

It perch'd for vespers nine,

Whiles all the night thro' [fog-smoke white]

Glimmer'd the white moon-shine.

"God save thee, ancyent Marinere!

"From the fiends that plague thee thus--

"Why look'st thou so?"--with my cross bow

I shot the Albatross.

II.

The Sun came up upon the right, 

Out of the Sea came he;

And broad as a weft upon the left

Went down into the Sea.

And the good south wind still blew behind,

But no sweet Bird did follow

Ne any day for food or play 

Came to the Marinere's hollo!

And I had done an hellish thing

And it would work 'em woe;

For all averr'd, I had kill'd the Bird

That made the Breeze to blow.

Ne dim ne red, like God's own head, 

The glorious Sun uprist:

Then all averr'd, I had kill'd the Bird

That brought the fog and mist.

T'was right, said they, such birds to slay

That bring the fog and mist.

The breezes blew, the white foam flew,

The furrow follow'd free:

We were the first that ever burst

Into that silent Sea.

Down dropt the breeze, the Sails dropt down,

'Twas sad as sad could be

And we did speak only to break 

The silence of the Sea.

All in a hot and copper sky 

The bloody sun at noon,

Right up above the mast did stand,

No bigger than the moon.

Day after day, day after day,

We stuck, ne breath ne motion,

As idle as a painted Ship

Upon a painted Ocean.

Water, water every where

And all the boards did shrink;

Water, water every where,

Ne any drop to drink.

The very deeps did rot: O Christ!

That ever this should be!

Yea, slimy things did crawl with legs

Upon the slimy Sea.

About, about, in reel and rout 

The Death-fires danc'd at night;

The water, like a witch's oils,

Burnt green and blue and white.

And some in dreams assured were

Of the Spirit that plagued us so:

Nine fathom deep he had follow'd us

From the Land of Mist and Snow.

And every tongue thro' utter drouth

Was wither'd at the root;

We could not speak no more than if

We had been choked with soot.

Ah wel-a-day! what evil looks

Had I from old and young;

Instead of the Cross the Albatross

About my neck was hung.

III.

I saw a something in the Sky

No bigger than my fist;

At first it seem'd a little speck

And then it seem'd a mist:

It mov'd and mov'd, and took at last

A certain shape, I wist.

A speck, a mist, a shape, I wist!

And still it ner'd and ner'd;

And, an it dodged a water-sprite,

It plung'd and tack'd and veer'd.

With throat unslack'd, with black lips bak'd 

Ne could we laugh, ne wail:

Then while thro' drouth all dumb they stood

I bit my arm and suck'd the blood

And cry'd, A sail! A sail!

With throat unslack'd, with black lips bak'd

Agape they hear'd me call:

Gramercy! they for joy did grin

And all at once their breath drew in

As they were drinking all.

She doth not tack from side to side--

Hither to work us weal

Withouten wind, withouten tide

She steddies with upright keel.

The western wave was all a flame, 

The day was well nigh done!

Almost upon the western wave

Rested the broad bright Sun;

When that strange shape drove suddenly 

Betwixt us and the Sun.

And strait the Sun was fleck'd with bars

(Heaven's mother send us grace)

As if thro' a dungeon grate he peer'd

With broad and burning face.

Alas! (thought I, and my heart beat loud)

How fast she neres and neres!

Are those her sails that glance in the Sun

Like restless gossameres?

Are th[e]se her naked ribs, which fleck'd

The sun that did behind them peer?

And are th[e]se two all, all the crew,

That woman and her fleshless Pheere?

His bones were black with many a crack,

All black and bare, I ween;

Jet-black and bare, save where with rust

Of mouldy damps and charnel crust

They're patch'd with purple and green.

Her lips are red, her looks are free,

Her locks are yellow as gold:

Her skin is white as leprosy,

And she is far liker Death than he;

Her flesh makes the still air cold.

The naked Hulk alongside came

And the Twain were playing dice;

"The Game is done! I've won, I've won!"

Quoth she, and whistled thrice.

A gust of wind sterte up behind

And whistled thro' his bones;

Thro' the holes of his eyes and the hole of his mouth

Half-whistles and half-groans.

With never a whisper in the Sea

Oft darts the Spectre-ship;

While clombe above the Eastern bar

The Horned Moon, with one bright Star

Almost atween the tips.

One after one by the horned Moon 

(Listen!, O Stranger! to me)

Each turn'd his face with a ghastly pang

And curs'd me with his ee.

Four times fifty living men,

With never a sigh or groan.

With heavy thump, a lifeless lump

They dropp'd down one by one.

Their souls did from their bodies fly,--

They fled to bliss or woe;

And every soul it pass'd me by,

Like the whiz of my Cross-bow.

IV.

I fear thee, ancyent Marinere!

"I fear thy skinny hand;

"And thou art long and lank and brown

"As is the ribb'd Sea-sand.

"I fear thee and thy glittering eye

"And thy skinny hand so brown--

Fear not, fear not, thou wedding guest!

This body dropt not down.

Alone, alone, all all alone

Alone on the wide wide Sea;

And Christ would take no pity on

My soul in agony.

The many men so beautiful 

And they all dead did lie!

And a million million slimy things

Liv'd on--and so did I.

I look'd upon the rotting Sea,

And drew my eyes away;

I look'd upon the eldritch deck

And there the dead men lay.

I look'd to Heaven, and try'd to pray;

But or ever a prayer had gusht,

A wicked whisper came and made

My heart as dry as dust.

I clos'd my lids and kept them close,

Till the balls like pulses beat;

For the sky and the sea, and the sea and the sky

Lay like a load on my weary eye,

And the dead were at my feet.

The cold sweat melted from their limbs, 

Ne rot, ne reek did they;

The look with which they look'd on me,

Had never pass'd away.

An orphan's curse would drag to Hell

A spirit from on high:

But O! more horrible than that

Is the curse in a dead man's eye!

Seven days, seven nights I saw that curse,

And yet I could not die.

The moving Moon went up the sky

And no where did abide:

Softly she was going up

And a star or two beside--

Her beams bemock'd the sultry main 

Like morning frosts yspread;

But where the ship's huge shadow lay,

The charmed water burnt alway

A still and awful red.

Beyond the shadow of the ship

I watch'd the water-snakes:

They mov'd in tracks of shining white;

And when they rear'd, the elfish light

Fell off in hoary flakes.

Within the shadow of the ship

I watch'd their rich attire:

Blue, glossy green, and velvet black

They coil'd and swam; and every track

Was a flash of golden fire.

O happy living things! no tongue 

Their beauty might declare:

A spring of love gusht from my heart,

And I bless'd them unaware!

Sure my kind saint took pity on me,

And I bless'd them unaware.

The self-same moment I could pray;

And from my neck so free

The Albatross fell off, and sank

Like lead into the sea.

V.

O sleep, it is a gentle thing

Belov'd from pole to pole!

To Mary-queen the praise be yeven

She sent the gentle sleep from heaven

That slid into my soul.

The silly buckets on the deck

That had so long remain'd,

I dreamt that they were fill'd with dew

And when I awoke it rain'd.

My lips were wet, my throat was cold,

My garments all were dank;

Sure I had drunken in my dreams

And still my body drank.

I mov'd and could not feel my limbs, 

I was so light, almost

I thought that I had died in sleep,

And was a blessed Ghost.

The roaring wind! it roar'd far off,

It did not come anear;

But with its sound it shook the sails

That were so thin and sere.

The upper air bursts into life,

And a hundred fire-flags sheen

To and fro are hurried about;

And to and fro, and in and out

The stars dance on between.

The coming wind doth roar more loud;

The sails do sigh like sedge:

The rain pours down from one black cloud

And the Moon is at its edge.

Hark! hark! the thick black cloud is cleft, 

And the Moon is at its side:

Like waters shot from some high crag,

The lightning falls with never a jag

A river steep and wide.

The strong wind reach'd the ship: it roar'd

And dropp'd down, like a stone!

Beneath the lightning and the moon

The dead men gave a groan.

They groan'd, they stirr'd, they all uprose,

Ne spake, ne mov'd their eyes:

It had been strange, even in a dream

To have seen those dead men rise.

The helmsman steer'd, the ship mov'd on;

Yet never a breeze up-blew;

The Marineres all 'gan work the ropes

Where they were wont to do:

They rais'd their limbs like lifeless tools-- 

We were a ghastly crew.

The body of my brother's son

Stood by me knee to knee:

The body and I pull'd at one rope,

But he said nought to me--

And I quak'd to think of my own voice

How frightful it would be!

The day-light dawn'd--they dropp'd their arms,

And cluster'd round the mast:

Sweet sounds rose slowly thro' their mouths

And from their bodies pass'd.

Around, around, flew each sweet sound,

Then darted to the sun:

Slowly the sounds came back again

Now mix'd, now one by one.

Sometimes a dropping from the sky 

I heard the Lavrock sing;

Sometimes all little birds that are

How they seem'd to fill the sea and air

With their sweet jargoning,

And now 'twas like all instruments,

Now like a lonely flute;

And now it is like an angel's song

That makes the heavens be mute.

It ceas'd: yet still the sails made on

A pleasant noise till noon,

A noise like of a hidden brook

In the leafy month of June,

That to the sleeping woods all night

Singeth a quiet tune.

Listen, O listen, thou Wedding-guest! 

"Marinere! thou hast thy will:

"For that, which comes out of thine eye, doth make

"My body and soul to be still."

Never sadder tale was told

To a man of woman born:

Sadder and wiser thou wedding-guest!

Thou'lt rise to morrow morn.

Never sadder tale was heard

By a man of woman born:

The Marineres all return'd to work

As silent as beforne.

The Marineres all 'gan pull the ropes,

But look at me they n'old:

Thought I, I am as thin as air--

They cannot me behold.

Till noon we silently sail'd on

Yet never a breeze did breathe:

Slowly and smoothly went the ship

Mov'd onward from beneath.

Under the keel nine fathom deep

From the land of mist and snow

The spirit slid: and it was He

That made the Ship to go.

The sails at noon left off their tune

And the Ship stood still also.

The sun right up above the mast

Had fix'd her to the ocean:

But in a minute she 'gan stir

With a short uneasy motion--

Backwards and forwards half her length

With a short uneasy motion.

Then, like a pawing horse let go,

She made a sudden bound:

It flung the blood into my head,

And I fell into a swound.

How long in that same fit I lay,

I have not to declare;

But ere my living life return'd,

I heard and in my soul discern'd

Two voices in the air,

"Is it he? quoth one, "Is this the man?

"By him who died on cross,

"With his cruel bow he lay'd full low

"The harmless Albatross.

"The spirit who 'bideth by himself

"In the land of mist and snow,

"He lov'd the bird that lov'd the man

"Who shot him with his bow."

The other was a softer voice 

As soft as honey-dew: 

Quoth he the man hath penance done,

And penance more will do.

VI.

FIRST VOICE.

"But tell me, tell me! speak again,

"Thy soft response renewing--

"What makes that ship drive on so fast?

"What is the Ocean doing?

SECOND VOICE.

"Still as a Slave before his Lord,

"The Ocean hath no blast:

"His great bright eye most silently

"Up to the moon is cast--

"If he may know which way to go, 

"For she guides him smooth or grim.

"See, brother, see! how graciously

"She looketh down on him.

FIRST VOICE.

"But why drives on that ship so fast

"Withouten wave or wind? 

Second Voice.

"The air is cut away before,

And closes from behind.

"Fly, brother, fly! more high, more high,

"Or we shall be belated.

"For slow and slow that ship will go,

"When the Marinere's trance is abated.

I woke, and we were sailing on 

As in a gentle weather:

Twas night, calm night, the moon was high;

The dead men stood together.

All stood together on the deck,

For a charnel-dungeon fitter:

All fix'd on me their stony eyes

That in the moon did glitter.

The pang, the curse with which they died,

Had never pass'd away:

I could not draw my een from theirs

Ne turn them up to pray.

And in its time the spell was snapt,

And I could move my een:

I look'd far-forth, but little saw

Of what might else be seen.

Like one, that on a lonely road 

Doth walk in fear and dread,

And having once turn'd round, walks on

And turns no more his head:

Because he knows, a frightful fiend

Doth close behind him tread.

But soon there breath'd a wind on me,

Ne sound ne motion made:

Its path was not upon the sea

In ripple or in shade.

It rais'd my hair, it fann'd my cheek,

Like a meadow-gale of spring--

It mingled strangely with my fears,

Yet it felt like a welcoming.

Swiftly, swiftly flew the ship, 

Yet she sail'd softly too:

Sweetly, sweetly, blew the breeze--

On me alone it blew.

O dream of joy! is this indeed

The light-house top I see?

Is this the Hill? Is this the Kirk?

Is this mine own countrée?

We drifted o'er the Harbour-bar,

And I with sobs did pray--

"O let me be awake, my God!

"Or let me sleep alway!"

The harbour-bay was clear as glass, 

So smoothly it was strewn!

And on the bay the moon light lay,

And the shadow of the moon.

The moonlight bay was white all o'er, 

Till rising from the same,

Full many shapes, that shadows were,

Like as of torches came.

A little distance from the prow

Those dark-red shadows were;

But soon I saw that my own flesh

Was red as in a glare.

I turn'd my head in fear and dread,

And by the holy rood,

The bodies had advanc'd, and now

Before the mast they stood.

They lifted up their stiff right arms,

They held them strait and tight;

And each right-arm burnt like a torch,

A torch that's borne upright.

Their stony eye-balls glitter'd on

In the red and smoky light.

I pray'd and turn'd my head away 

Forth looking as before.

There was no breeze upon the bay,

No wave against the shore.

The rock shone bright, the kirk no less

That stands above the rock:

The moonlight steep'd in silentness

The steady weathercock.

And the bay was white with silent light,

Till rising from the same

Full many shapes, that shadows were,

In crimson colours came.

A little distance from the prow

Those crimson shadows were:

I turn'd my eyes upon the deck--

O Christ! what saw I there?

Each corse lay flat, lifeless and flat; 

And by the Holy rood

A man all light, a seraph-man,

On every corse there stood.

This seraph-band, each waved his hand:

It was a heavenly sight:

They stood as signals to the land,

Each one a lovely light:

This seraph-band, each waved his hand,

No voice did they impart--

No voice; but O! the silence sank,

Like music on my heart.

Eftsones I heard the dash of oars,

I heard the pilot's cheer:

My head was turn'd perforce away

And I saw a boat appear.

Then vanish'd all the lovely lights; 

The bodies rose anew:

With silent pace, each to his place,

Came back the ghastly crew.

The wind, that shade nor motion made,

On me alone it blew.

The pilot, and the pilot's boy

I heard them coming fast:

Dear Lord in Heaven! it was a joy

The dead men could not blast.

I saw a third--I heard his voice:

It is the Hermit good!

He singeth loud his godly hymns

That he makes in the wood.

He'll shrieve my soul, he'll wash away

The Albatross's blood.

VII.

This Hermit good lives in that wood

Which slopes down to the Sea.

How loudly his sweet voice he rears!

He loves to talk with Marineres

That come from a far Contrée.

He kneels at morn and noon and eve--

He hath a cushion plump:

It is the moss, that wholly hides

The rotted old Oak-stump.

The Skiff-boat ne'rd: I heard them talk, 

"Why, this is strange, I trow!

"Where are those lights so many and fair

"That signals made but now?

"Strange, by my faith! the Hermit said--

"And they answer'd not our cheer.

"The planks look warp'd, and see those sails

"How thin they are and sere!

"I never saw aught like to them

"Unless perchance it were

"The skeletons of leaves that lag

"My forest brook along:

"When the Ivy-tod is heavy with snow,

"And the Owlet whoops to the wolf below

"That eats the she-wolf's young.

"Dear Lord! it has a fiendish look-- 

(The Pilot made reply)

"I am afear'd.--"Push on, push on!

"Said the Hermit cheerily.

The Boat came closer to the Ship,

But I ne spake ne stirred!

The Boat came close beneath the Ship,

And strait a sound was heard!

Under the water it rumbled on,

Still louder and more dread:

It reach'd the Ship, it split the bay;

The Ship went down like lead.

Stunn'd by that loud and dreadful sound,

Which sky and ocean smote:

Like one that hath been seven days drown'd

My body lay afloat:

But, swift as dreams, myself I found 

Within the Pilot's boat.

Upon the whirl, where sank the Ship,

The boat spun round and round:

And all was still, save that the hill 

Was telling of the sound.

I mov'd my lips: the Pilot shriek'd

And fell down in a fit.

The Holy Hermit rais'd his eyes

And pray'd where he did sit.

I took the oars: the Pilot's boy,

Who now doth crazy go,

Laugh'd loud and long, and all the while

His eyes went to and fro,

"Ha! ha!" quoth he--"full plain I see,

"The devil knows how to row."

And now all in my own Countree 

I stood on the firm land!

The Hermit stepp'd forth from the boat,

And scarcely he could stand.

"O shrieve me, shrieve me, holy Man!

The Hermit cross'd his brow--

"Say quick," quoth he, "I bid thee say

"What manner of man art thou?

Forthwith this frame of mine was wrench'd

With a woeful agony,

Which forc'd me to begin my tale

And then it left me free.

Since then at an uncertain hour

Now oftimes and now fewer,

That anguish comes and makes me tell

My ghastly aventure.

I pass, like night, from land to land; 

I have strange power of speech;

The moment that his face I see

I know the man that must hear me;

To him my tale I teach.

What loud uproar bursts from that door!

The Wedding-guests are there;

But in the Garden-bower the Bride

And Bride-maids singing are:

And hark the little Vesper-bell

Which biddeth me to prayer.

O Wedding-guest! this soul hath been

Alone on a wide wide sea:

So lonely 'twas, that God himself

Scarce seemed there to be.

O sweeter than the Marriage-feast, 

'Tis sweeter far to me

To walk together to the Kirk

With a goodly company.

To walk together to the Kirk

And all together pray,

While each to his great father bends,

Old men, and babes, and loving friends,

And Youths, and Maidens gay.

Farewell, farewell! but this I tell

To thee, thou wedding-guest!

He prayeth well who loveth well

Both man and bird and beast.

He prayeth best who loveth best,

All things both great and small:

For the dear God, who loveth us,

He made and loveth all.

The Marinere, whose eye is bright, 

Whose beard with age is hoar,

Is gone; and now the wedding-guest

Turn'd from the bridegroom's door.

He went, like one that hath been stunn'd

And is of sense forlorn:

A sadder and a wiser man

He rose the morrow morn.

---

One of the longest poems ever written. It dates back to the late 18th century and has spawned on of the longest metal songs ever written. No vid for the song 'cause it's 13 minutes long and not one video on YouTube has it in one part. They are all broken into 2 parts. So look to the top left and just play the mp3.

The Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Iron Maiden

Hear the rime of the ancient mariner

See his eye as he stops one of three

Mesmerises one of the wedding guests

Stay here and listen to the nightmares of the sea.

And the music plays on, as the bride passes by

Caught by his spell and the mariner tells his tale.

Driven south to the land of the snow and ice

To a place where nobody's been

Through the snow fog flies on the albatross

Hailed in God's name, hoping good luck it brings.

And the ship sails on, back to the North

Through the fog and ice and the albatross follows on.

The mariner kills the bird of good omen

His shipmates cry against what he's done

But when the fog clears, they justify him

And make themselves a part of the crime.

Sailing on and on and north across the sea

Sailing on and on and north 'til all is calm.

The albatross begins with its vengeance

A terrible curse a thirst has begun

His shipmates blame bad luck on the mariner

About his neck, the dead bird is hung.

And the curse goes on and on at sea

And the thirst goes on and on for them and me.

"Day after day, day after day,

we stuck nor breath nor motion

as idle as a painted ship upon a painted ocean

Water, water everywhere and

all the boards did shrink

Water, water everywhere nor any drop to drink."

There calls the mariner

There comes a ship over the line

But how can she sail with no wind in her sails and no tide.

See...onward she comes

Onward she nears out of the sun

See, she has no crew

She has no life, wait but there's two.

Death and she Life in Death,

They throw their dice for the crew

She wins the mariner and he belongs to her now.

Then...crew one by one

they drop down dead, two hundred men

She...she, Life in Death.

She lets him live, her chosen one.

"One after one by the star dogged moon,

too quick for groan or sigh

each turned his face with a ghastly pang

and cursed me with his eye

four times fifty living men

(and I heard nor sigh nor groan)

with heavy thump, a lifeless lump,

they dropped down one by one."

The curse it lives on in their eyes

The mariner he wished he'd die

Along with the sea creatures

But they lived on, so did he.

And by the light of the moon

He prays for their beauty not doom

With heart he blesses them

God's creatures all of them too.

Then the spell starts to break

The albatross falls from his neck

Sinks down like lead into the sea

Then down in falls comes the rain.

Hear the groans of the long dead seamen

See them stir and they start to rise

Bodies lifted by good spirits

None of them spake and they're lifeless in their eyes

And revenge is still sought, penance starts again

Cast into a trance and the nightmare carries on.

Now the curse is finally lifted

And the mariner sights his home

spirits go from the long dead bodies

Form their own light and the mariner's left alone.

And then a boat came sailing towards him

It was a joy he could not believe

The pilot's boat, his son and the hermit,

Penance of life will fall onto him.

And the ship it sinks like lead into the sea

And the hermit shrieves the mariner of his sins.

The mariner's bound to tell of his story

To tell this tale wherever he goes

To teach God's word by his own example

That we must love all things that God made.

And the wedding guest's a sad and wiser man

And the tale goes on and on and on.